When I hear a couple boast that they never fight, I don’t feel envious—I feel suspicious. Every relationship is prone to disagreement, whether it’s between friends, parents and children, or partners. That’s just what happens when two people with different personalities and backgrounds come together. What’s more likely in the case of these purportedly argument-free couples is that they equate fighting with unhealthy relationships. But occasional conflict is actually a natural part of any partnership, as long as it’s fair and constructive. I spoke with Sandy Roos, a licensed marriage and family therapist (MFT) in the Bay Area, about the different ways in which couples can benefit from conflict—as well as why “never fighting” is worse than you might think.
The Upside of Conflict
When I proposed the idea of arguments’ being a healthy aspect of relationships, Sandy was quick to correct my choice of vocabulary. “Arguing means neither one is listening to the other,” she said. Instead, she uses the word “conflict”: “Conflict means growth is trying to happen in the relationship and new information is trying to enter the system.” When we fight with our partners, we’re trying to find common ground between our differences. At least, that’s what we should be doing if we want to find a solution. Too often, emotions get in the way of logic and conflict turns into something much less healthy. Names are called, fingers are pointed, and past fights are used as weapons.
But for couples who are able to avoid that destructive behavior—or what Sandy calls “unskillful ways to deal with differences”—conflict from time to time can be like relationship therapy. By expressing your feelings and talking through (not yelling, mind you) problems, you don’t give them a chance to fester and grow. Partners are less likely to feel ignored or disrespected. You’ll each understand the other’s priorities and needs better, which is of the utmost importance for relationship stability. It instills confidence about your ability to conquer problems in the future. You’re also more likely to resolve the issue, or at least come to terms with it, and that, in turn, helps strengthen the bond. “Resolving conflict in a safe way deepens the relationship, as it creates trust, intimacy, and a place where each partner can ask for what they need,” Sandy explains.
The Pitfalls of Avoidance
Couples who avoid conflict may think themselves uniquely harmonious, but that’s not always the case. It could be that one of the two has a problem voicing his or her frustrations and chooses to keep quiet, rather than rock the boat. That can be disastrous for relationships, according to Sandy. “Never having conflict is deadly,” she warns. “Things get shoved under the rug, until there’s so much distance and resentment built up that intimacy is severely compromised.” In other words, things should come up on occasion. It’s expected that two people won’t agree on everything; even identical twins get into rows. But if you don’t vent those nagging opinions or annoyances, they might bubble to the surface later in a big, bad way—potentially one that your relationship can’t recover from. And if you don’t trust your relationship enough to broach these issues in the first place, that doesn’t speak well for its future anyway.
Some partners walk on eggshells around each other because they haven’t learned to fight fairly. What starts as a small conflict turns into a huge mess of hurt feelings and words you can’t take back. Because emotions run high and trigger physical, bodily responses that only aggravate the situation (increased body temperatures, increased heart rate, et cetera), it’s all too easy to fall into these destructive fighting patterns. Sandy advises couples she works with to watch out for certain bad conflict behaviors.
* Blaming and criticizing
* Name calling and attacking
* Using sarcasm
* Shutting down emotionally (refusing to talk about anything)
* Saying you-statements (e.g., “You never help clean,” or, “You’re always belittling me”)
What It Takes to Make It Work
If you’re a couple who never fights, either because of trust issues or because of the fear of revisiting arguments past, there are steps you can take to overcome that avoidance. Sandy shared how she helps her clients in similar situations: “I let them know that there are safe ways to have conflict, and I do a great deal of educating on how to manage conflict so they become closer and experience more intimacy as a result,” she says. “After giving many tools, I coach them in the process and help them express themselves, ask for what they need, and use empathy with their partner to create trust and diminish insecurity.”
The tools she refers to include: using I-statements more (e.g., “I feel resentful when you don’t help me clean”), being honest about feelings without placing blame or getting defensive, taking small time-outs if you feel too stressed or upset, and—possibly the most important one of all—listening to your partner. Turning a bad conflict into a good one is the goal behind each tactic. In good conflicts, partners want to understand each other above all else. In bad conflicts, winning the argument becomes the top priority. But as anyone who’s been through a particularly bad fight can tell you, there are no winners when that’s the case. But there aren’t winners when you completely avoid issues, either. Once we realize that conflict isn’t always a negative thing—and in fact can be quite beneficial to the relationship—we can learn how to handle it the right way. It may take patience and riding out a few bumps along the way, but if the outcome is a partnership with a stronger foundation of trust, kindness, and understanding, it’s certainly worth a try.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Give Compliments That Mean Something
Carefully chosen words are among the most disposable items in today’s throwaway society.
Giving complimentsThat’s helped to make compliments — real, meaningful words of praise — an increasingly elusive treasure. The reality is that the art of giving meaningful compliments has become a dying one.
Part of it is political correctness. Part of it lies in the faceless, informal ways we’re connected to one another through technology.
It’s not that we’ve become cold and unfeeling. Most of us do issue compliments — to co-workers, loved ones and even sometimes strangers. But they tend to ring hollow, failing to truly connect with and touch the recipient.
And most of us want to give meaningful compliments that leave an impression. Often it’s simply a matter of simplicity and intent. We rush our words or worse — rehearse them — instead of allowing the compliment to organically emerge.
To help revive this dying art, here are five ways to help you give meaningful compliments:
1. Be Specific
Detail is the lifeblood of good writing. It’s also the heart of a great compliment. Hone in on a specific achievement or aspect and focus your words on that. A vague, generalized comment that can be recycled throughout the day — “You have beautiful eyes” or “Great presentation to the board” — lacks real meaning because of its cookie-cutter nature.
That man or woman gets a flimsy compliment about their eyes a few times a week. Instead, seize on a sliver that indicates you paid attention or that the recipient’s presence or actions have made a meaningful impact on you. It’s not just that she gave a great presentation — it’s that this particular moment proved so captivating.
Specific compliments have lasting power. So do those that favor character over objects or outward appearance. They indicate that you’ve truly taken stock of a person and their attributes and, in turn, compressed those thoughts into a value judgment.
2. Be Genuine
Meaning what you say is, well, inherent to a meaningful compliment. With a little skill you can make a platitude seem specific enough to mollify the recipient. Despite your knack for false sincerity, most people can tell when your words aren’t genuine. That’s why you shouldn’t force a compliment because it somehow seems like the time or place to offer one.
Sincerity is a byproduct of genuine belief or emotion. To toss up a compliment because of social convention or circumstance is to speak without real meaning. Writing about the art of compliments for Esquire magazine, Tom Chiarella summed it up perfectly: “If a worthwhile compliment needs anything, it is the weight of realization behind it.”
3. Be Patient
Giving the perfect compliment is also about waiting for the perfect moment. One thing you should avoid is trying to manufacture that moment — that’s inherently selfish and makes the giving more about you than the recipient. Flattery and puffery are impatient and have the giver’s best interests at heart. At the same time, waiting too long can mean the compliment loses its timeliness. Strive to strike a balance, focusing on the needs and timing of the recipient.
4. Be Succinct
It’s easy to start rambling when you say something nice about someone. Don’t linger around looking for a “thank you” or feel the need to repeat yourself or venture beyond the confines of the compliment. This is especially true if you’re moved to compliment a stranger. Breeze in, offer your heartfelt words and jump right back into life ongoing.
5. Be Yourself
You don’t need to assume some new persona to start dishing out compliments to co-workers and folks off the street. Possessing a degree of self-confidence is key to delivering meaningful compliments. Learning how to give these types of compliments will also make you a better — and more appreciative — recipient when the time comes to receive them.
Giving complimentsThat’s helped to make compliments — real, meaningful words of praise — an increasingly elusive treasure. The reality is that the art of giving meaningful compliments has become a dying one.
Part of it is political correctness. Part of it lies in the faceless, informal ways we’re connected to one another through technology.
It’s not that we’ve become cold and unfeeling. Most of us do issue compliments — to co-workers, loved ones and even sometimes strangers. But they tend to ring hollow, failing to truly connect with and touch the recipient.
And most of us want to give meaningful compliments that leave an impression. Often it’s simply a matter of simplicity and intent. We rush our words or worse — rehearse them — instead of allowing the compliment to organically emerge.
To help revive this dying art, here are five ways to help you give meaningful compliments:
1. Be Specific
Detail is the lifeblood of good writing. It’s also the heart of a great compliment. Hone in on a specific achievement or aspect and focus your words on that. A vague, generalized comment that can be recycled throughout the day — “You have beautiful eyes” or “Great presentation to the board” — lacks real meaning because of its cookie-cutter nature.
That man or woman gets a flimsy compliment about their eyes a few times a week. Instead, seize on a sliver that indicates you paid attention or that the recipient’s presence or actions have made a meaningful impact on you. It’s not just that she gave a great presentation — it’s that this particular moment proved so captivating.
Specific compliments have lasting power. So do those that favor character over objects or outward appearance. They indicate that you’ve truly taken stock of a person and their attributes and, in turn, compressed those thoughts into a value judgment.
2. Be Genuine
Meaning what you say is, well, inherent to a meaningful compliment. With a little skill you can make a platitude seem specific enough to mollify the recipient. Despite your knack for false sincerity, most people can tell when your words aren’t genuine. That’s why you shouldn’t force a compliment because it somehow seems like the time or place to offer one.
Sincerity is a byproduct of genuine belief or emotion. To toss up a compliment because of social convention or circumstance is to speak without real meaning. Writing about the art of compliments for Esquire magazine, Tom Chiarella summed it up perfectly: “If a worthwhile compliment needs anything, it is the weight of realization behind it.”
3. Be Patient
Giving the perfect compliment is also about waiting for the perfect moment. One thing you should avoid is trying to manufacture that moment — that’s inherently selfish and makes the giving more about you than the recipient. Flattery and puffery are impatient and have the giver’s best interests at heart. At the same time, waiting too long can mean the compliment loses its timeliness. Strive to strike a balance, focusing on the needs and timing of the recipient.
4. Be Succinct
It’s easy to start rambling when you say something nice about someone. Don’t linger around looking for a “thank you” or feel the need to repeat yourself or venture beyond the confines of the compliment. This is especially true if you’re moved to compliment a stranger. Breeze in, offer your heartfelt words and jump right back into life ongoing.
5. Be Yourself
You don’t need to assume some new persona to start dishing out compliments to co-workers and folks off the street. Possessing a degree of self-confidence is key to delivering meaningful compliments. Learning how to give these types of compliments will also make you a better — and more appreciative — recipient when the time comes to receive them.
Perfect partner
Many people think of soul mates as two people who find each other and know immediately that they’re destined to spend their lives together in ecstatic harmony. Others consider the idea about as credible as crystal healing, love potions, or the tooth fairy. Our culture is saturated with the notion that there’s one perfect partner out there for everybody, and to settle for anything less than this perfection is to deny oneself a chance at true happiness, which is surely waiting in the wings. The National Marriage Project, conducted in 2001, found that 94 percent of twenty- to twenty-nine-year-olds said that the person you eventually marry should be your soul mate, and 88 percent reported a belief that for everyone in the world, there was a spiritual twin out there somewhere. While the notion of soul mates sounds like a good one, does it color how we view relationships and marriage and set us all up for failure?
An Unrealistic Expectation
From the time we begin dating, most of us can picture an idealized version of our perfect partner. We want someone of a certain height, appearance, and intelligence, someone who perfectly complements our strengths and camouflages our weaknesses. Many believe that once we find this perfect partner, we’ll be happy together forever. One problem with this perspective is that it views relationships as things that happen to us, rather than things that we create by working hard on them. It assumes that once we’ve found our intended, they will complete us like the missing piece of a puzzle, and everything from then on should be easy and effortless. The search for a soul mate is dangerously close to the search for a completely perfect relationship, something we all know doesn’t exist.
Most people who believe in the idea of soul mates believe that the harmonious bliss of a new relationship is proof that their new love is indeed the one they’ve been waiting for. Eventually, after the newness of a relationship has worn off, people worry that the corresponding dip in excitement (which is perfectly normal) signifies that the relationship wasn’t meant to be after all. Dr. John Grey, PhD, author of Becoming Soulmates: Keys to Lasting Love, Passion and a Great Relationship, writes, “If we want a great relationship to deepen and last, we need to realize that ‘happily ever after’ includes feelings other than happiness. The myth of ‘soulmates’ is about a relationship that is blue sky forever. Always sunny, and that sunshine pours down on us, brightens us up, lifts us. In a real-world relationship, challenges come. The sky occasionally clouds.”
Does the Grass Seem Greener?
The most pernicious effect of the soul-mate myth is that it encourages people to believe that there must be something better out there. The myth can sometimes cause people to sabotage perfectly salvageable relationships because of the belief that finding one’s true spiritual equal will make a person blissfully happy at all times. Of course, few relationships can live up to this ideal, and the myth judges any lesser relationships as not worth the effort. After all, would your true soul mate criticize your friends? Would your true soul mate disagree with you about money or household chores? The idea of such a kindred soul leads people to believe that good relationships don’t require work and don’t involve disagreements, neither of which is true. Even people who are happy in their relationships are often left wondering, “Could I be happier? Could my real soul mate still be out there?” This thinking isn’t limited to those who believe wholeheartedly in soul mates, either. Even those with a more rational view of relationships can still fall into the trap of never being satisfied with any partner, viewing each and every small rift in the relationship as evidence that they could be happier with someone new.
Your Missing Piece Could Be Anyone
Many psychologists, including Dr. Grey, believe that soul mates aren’t something people find, they’re something people become. After that initial giddy excitement of a relationship wears off, couples who work together to solve their individual and collective problems are able to deepen their emotional bond, overcoming any challenges that come their way. That kind of shared experience can make a couple feel like soul mates, whether they’ve been together for two years or twenty. “You don’t just meet a soulmate and live happily ever after,” Dr. Grey writes. “I have observed that real-world soulmates become that—by growing together in certain ways and working through challenges successfully.” Those who claim to experience love at first sight may be potential soul mates, but it isn’t until they’ve really worked to forge a life together that they can become true confidants.
The idea of soul mates shouldn’t be limited to romantic relationships; who would argue that an unmarried person isn’t entitled to have a soul mate of his or her own? It’s not even realistic to think of soul mates as a one-per-person proposition. A person can have many soul mates, whether they’re friends, lovers, or relatives. Becoming a soul mate is about establishing a deep emotional connection, no matter whom it’s with. In our lives, we often meet people with whom we have an instant bond, and whether it’s a romantic or a platonic relationship, once you’ve weathered life’s storms together, who’s to say you can’t call each other “soul mate”?
Perhaps one of the most cynical things about the idea of soul mates is assuming that there’s only one person for everyone in the world, and that people who don’t find theirs are doomed to be romantically unfulfilled. With the right care and commitment, any loving couple can turn their relationship into the kind of soul-mate partnership they dream about. Those who constantly turn down prospective romantic partners because they’re not “the one” might find themselves holding out for a hero who will never come.
An Unrealistic Expectation
From the time we begin dating, most of us can picture an idealized version of our perfect partner. We want someone of a certain height, appearance, and intelligence, someone who perfectly complements our strengths and camouflages our weaknesses. Many believe that once we find this perfect partner, we’ll be happy together forever. One problem with this perspective is that it views relationships as things that happen to us, rather than things that we create by working hard on them. It assumes that once we’ve found our intended, they will complete us like the missing piece of a puzzle, and everything from then on should be easy and effortless. The search for a soul mate is dangerously close to the search for a completely perfect relationship, something we all know doesn’t exist.
Most people who believe in the idea of soul mates believe that the harmonious bliss of a new relationship is proof that their new love is indeed the one they’ve been waiting for. Eventually, after the newness of a relationship has worn off, people worry that the corresponding dip in excitement (which is perfectly normal) signifies that the relationship wasn’t meant to be after all. Dr. John Grey, PhD, author of Becoming Soulmates: Keys to Lasting Love, Passion and a Great Relationship, writes, “If we want a great relationship to deepen and last, we need to realize that ‘happily ever after’ includes feelings other than happiness. The myth of ‘soulmates’ is about a relationship that is blue sky forever. Always sunny, and that sunshine pours down on us, brightens us up, lifts us. In a real-world relationship, challenges come. The sky occasionally clouds.”
Does the Grass Seem Greener?
The most pernicious effect of the soul-mate myth is that it encourages people to believe that there must be something better out there. The myth can sometimes cause people to sabotage perfectly salvageable relationships because of the belief that finding one’s true spiritual equal will make a person blissfully happy at all times. Of course, few relationships can live up to this ideal, and the myth judges any lesser relationships as not worth the effort. After all, would your true soul mate criticize your friends? Would your true soul mate disagree with you about money or household chores? The idea of such a kindred soul leads people to believe that good relationships don’t require work and don’t involve disagreements, neither of which is true. Even people who are happy in their relationships are often left wondering, “Could I be happier? Could my real soul mate still be out there?” This thinking isn’t limited to those who believe wholeheartedly in soul mates, either. Even those with a more rational view of relationships can still fall into the trap of never being satisfied with any partner, viewing each and every small rift in the relationship as evidence that they could be happier with someone new.
Your Missing Piece Could Be Anyone
Many psychologists, including Dr. Grey, believe that soul mates aren’t something people find, they’re something people become. After that initial giddy excitement of a relationship wears off, couples who work together to solve their individual and collective problems are able to deepen their emotional bond, overcoming any challenges that come their way. That kind of shared experience can make a couple feel like soul mates, whether they’ve been together for two years or twenty. “You don’t just meet a soulmate and live happily ever after,” Dr. Grey writes. “I have observed that real-world soulmates become that—by growing together in certain ways and working through challenges successfully.” Those who claim to experience love at first sight may be potential soul mates, but it isn’t until they’ve really worked to forge a life together that they can become true confidants.
The idea of soul mates shouldn’t be limited to romantic relationships; who would argue that an unmarried person isn’t entitled to have a soul mate of his or her own? It’s not even realistic to think of soul mates as a one-per-person proposition. A person can have many soul mates, whether they’re friends, lovers, or relatives. Becoming a soul mate is about establishing a deep emotional connection, no matter whom it’s with. In our lives, we often meet people with whom we have an instant bond, and whether it’s a romantic or a platonic relationship, once you’ve weathered life’s storms together, who’s to say you can’t call each other “soul mate”?
Perhaps one of the most cynical things about the idea of soul mates is assuming that there’s only one person for everyone in the world, and that people who don’t find theirs are doomed to be romantically unfulfilled. With the right care and commitment, any loving couple can turn their relationship into the kind of soul-mate partnership they dream about. Those who constantly turn down prospective romantic partners because they’re not “the one” might find themselves holding out for a hero who will never come.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Moon
If you’ve ever seen the Moon rising over the horizon, looking so fat and looming that you felt like you could fall right into it, then you’ve been a victim of the famous Moon Illusion. And it is an illusion, a pervasive and persuasive one.
So, how does this thing work? Ah, step right up.
One of my favorite brain-benders is the Ponzo Illusion. You’ve seen it: the simplest case is with two short horizontal lines, one above the other, between two slanting but near-vertical lines. The upper line looks longer than the lower line, even though they’re the same length.
The illusion works because our brains are a bit wonky. The slanted lines make us think that anything near the top is farther away; the lines force our brain to think those lines are parallel but receding in the distance (like railroad tracks). The two horizontal lines are physically the same length, but our brain thinks the upper one is farther away. If it’s farther away, then duh, our brain says to itself, it must be bigger than the lower one. So we perceive it that way.
While procrastinating on reddit, (you do look at reddit, don’t you, especially the science section?) I found this beautiful example of Ponzo:
Heehee! You’d swear up and down* that the red vertical line on the right is much longer than the one on the left, wouldn’t you? It looks almost twice as long to me. It’s a very powerful perception.
But they’re not! I cut out the two red lines and put them side by side. They’re pretty much exactly the same length (well, they’re off by a bit due to resolution issues in the image, but not by nearly as much as your brain likes to think).
This example is a great one because it uses a real-life image. You can see the wall tiles getting smaller with distance, and the horizontal layout of them, complete with the lines between them, forces your brain to see the line on the right as farther away. Bang! Ponzo.
This illusion plays out all the time… including when the Moon is rising (you were wondering when I’d get back to that, weren’t you?). The Moon Illusion is in part due to this same effect, but weirdly, you also need to understand how we perceive the sky.
If I were to ask you what shape the sky is above your head, you’d probably answer "a hemisphere". But in fact, almost everyone perceives it as an inverted bowl, flattened at the top. Put it this way: if the sky were a hemisphere above you, you’d say the horizon was as far away as the zenith. But in fact most people perceive the horizon being farther away than the point straight over their heads; test after test has shown this. This isn’t too surprising; think of a cloudy day. The clouds over your head are maybe two or three kilometers above, but near the horizon they may be 100 kilometers away!
See where I’m going with this? When the Moon is on the horizon, your brain thinks it’s far away, much farther than when it’s overhead. So the Ponzo Illusion kicks in: your brain sees the Moon as being huge, and it looks like you could fall into it. The Illusion works for the Sun, too. In fact, years ago I saw Orion rising over a parking lot, and it looked like it was spread across half the sky. It’s an incredibly powerful illusion.
Oddly enough, when it’s on the horizon, the Moon actually is farther away than when it’s overhead. Not by much, really, just a few thousand kilometers (compared to the Moon’s overall distance of about 400,000 kilometers). Behold my Photoshop skillz:
So, how does this thing work? Ah, step right up.
One of my favorite brain-benders is the Ponzo Illusion. You’ve seen it: the simplest case is with two short horizontal lines, one above the other, between two slanting but near-vertical lines. The upper line looks longer than the lower line, even though they’re the same length.
The illusion works because our brains are a bit wonky. The slanted lines make us think that anything near the top is farther away; the lines force our brain to think those lines are parallel but receding in the distance (like railroad tracks). The two horizontal lines are physically the same length, but our brain thinks the upper one is farther away. If it’s farther away, then duh, our brain says to itself, it must be bigger than the lower one. So we perceive it that way.
While procrastinating on reddit, (you do look at reddit, don’t you, especially the science section?) I found this beautiful example of Ponzo:
Heehee! You’d swear up and down* that the red vertical line on the right is much longer than the one on the left, wouldn’t you? It looks almost twice as long to me. It’s a very powerful perception.
But they’re not! I cut out the two red lines and put them side by side. They’re pretty much exactly the same length (well, they’re off by a bit due to resolution issues in the image, but not by nearly as much as your brain likes to think).
This example is a great one because it uses a real-life image. You can see the wall tiles getting smaller with distance, and the horizontal layout of them, complete with the lines between them, forces your brain to see the line on the right as farther away. Bang! Ponzo.
This illusion plays out all the time… including when the Moon is rising (you were wondering when I’d get back to that, weren’t you?). The Moon Illusion is in part due to this same effect, but weirdly, you also need to understand how we perceive the sky.
If I were to ask you what shape the sky is above your head, you’d probably answer "a hemisphere". But in fact, almost everyone perceives it as an inverted bowl, flattened at the top. Put it this way: if the sky were a hemisphere above you, you’d say the horizon was as far away as the zenith. But in fact most people perceive the horizon being farther away than the point straight over their heads; test after test has shown this. This isn’t too surprising; think of a cloudy day. The clouds over your head are maybe two or three kilometers above, but near the horizon they may be 100 kilometers away!
See where I’m going with this? When the Moon is on the horizon, your brain thinks it’s far away, much farther than when it’s overhead. So the Ponzo Illusion kicks in: your brain sees the Moon as being huge, and it looks like you could fall into it. The Illusion works for the Sun, too. In fact, years ago I saw Orion rising over a parking lot, and it looked like it was spread across half the sky. It’s an incredibly powerful illusion.
Oddly enough, when it’s on the horizon, the Moon actually is farther away than when it’s overhead. Not by much, really, just a few thousand kilometers (compared to the Moon’s overall distance of about 400,000 kilometers). Behold my Photoshop skillz:
Rent house
Debating whether or not you should buy a house or continue renting a living space? So is everyone else. This debate goes on for many, as people work to think about what is best for their finances. Many fail to realize that buying is often the best choice, providing them with an investment that will recoup money in the long run. Buy or Rent a House?
Full Article
One of the greatest continued debates in personal finances revolves around the places that we live in. While some people believe that it is better to rent a house, others believe that it is better to purchase a home. There are plenty of different individuals who can make a strong case for each argument.
With that being said, you need to work to completely understand what is right for your situation. You need to work to understand the positives and the negatives of each argument to understand what you need to do.
The Case for Buying a House
The major benefit of purchasing a house comes from the fact that it is an investment; you are paying for something that you can physically own. When you pay it off, it is an investment that can bring money back. While you are spending money, you are putting it into something that you own, helping you to recoup the money that you pay. This is something that cannot be said for renting, as renters are paying someone to allow them to stay somewhere. There is no investment involved.
When you buy a home, you will also manage to pay less. Some people will be able to purchase a home and see lower monthly payments than if they had rented a house. In this market, home prices are continuing to drop. It is a buyers market, meaning that prices are staying low. This is the opportune time for individual to purchase a home.
The Case for Renting a House
Those who are looking to rent a home will know that they are removing themselves from any major financial decision. Renting is sometimes a better decision, as it helps individuals who are not ready for the large financial burden of a mortgage . It is also a great decision for those who are trying to work their credit up to a score that will provide a lower percentage rate on the mortgage loan.
Renting can be great for those who are not planning on staying in one place for too long. Those who move around from city to city on a regular basis will find the home-buying process too complicated to go through year after year. With the uncertainty of being able to sell a house quickly, these people will not want to put themselves in that position and will want to rent.
For some, there are good reasons for them to rent a home. With that being said, a majority of individuals will find that buying a house is the best option. Purchasing the house allows you to invest in something, rather than throwing money into something with no return. Buying a house brings ownership and pride, while providing for a better future, financially. While there are strong arguments for each side of the discussion, it is better to purchase a home.
Full Article
One of the greatest continued debates in personal finances revolves around the places that we live in. While some people believe that it is better to rent a house, others believe that it is better to purchase a home. There are plenty of different individuals who can make a strong case for each argument.
With that being said, you need to work to completely understand what is right for your situation. You need to work to understand the positives and the negatives of each argument to understand what you need to do.
The Case for Buying a House
The major benefit of purchasing a house comes from the fact that it is an investment; you are paying for something that you can physically own. When you pay it off, it is an investment that can bring money back. While you are spending money, you are putting it into something that you own, helping you to recoup the money that you pay. This is something that cannot be said for renting, as renters are paying someone to allow them to stay somewhere. There is no investment involved.
When you buy a home, you will also manage to pay less. Some people will be able to purchase a home and see lower monthly payments than if they had rented a house. In this market, home prices are continuing to drop. It is a buyers market, meaning that prices are staying low. This is the opportune time for individual to purchase a home.
The Case for Renting a House
Those who are looking to rent a home will know that they are removing themselves from any major financial decision. Renting is sometimes a better decision, as it helps individuals who are not ready for the large financial burden of a mortgage . It is also a great decision for those who are trying to work their credit up to a score that will provide a lower percentage rate on the mortgage loan.
Renting can be great for those who are not planning on staying in one place for too long. Those who move around from city to city on a regular basis will find the home-buying process too complicated to go through year after year. With the uncertainty of being able to sell a house quickly, these people will not want to put themselves in that position and will want to rent.
For some, there are good reasons for them to rent a home. With that being said, a majority of individuals will find that buying a house is the best option. Purchasing the house allows you to invest in something, rather than throwing money into something with no return. Buying a house brings ownership and pride, while providing for a better future, financially. While there are strong arguments for each side of the discussion, it is better to purchase a home.
Robust
President Obama's chief of staff says there is a political opportunity for the White House to pass a robust new energy bill following the Gulf Coast disaster. NPR's Neda Ulaby reports.
Rahm Emanuel, never known for mincing words, says there is a chance now for the president to act upon campaign promises to pass an energy bill with the support of industry and environmentalists. And he made it clear he believes the Republicans have fumbled badly by defending BP in the face of government demands for accountability. Emanuel said on ABC's This Week that the attitude displayed by Texas Republican Joe Barton who had retracted an apology to BP last week was indicative of a larger party philosophy.
"Other members of the Republican leadership have come to the defense of BP and attacked the administration for forcing them to set up an escrow account and fund it to the level of $20 billion. These aren't political gaffes."
Emanuel said it would be "dangerous" if such viewpoints came to control Congress after the fall election. Neda Ulaby, NPR News.
The man, who is overseeing the compensation fund for people damaged by the Gulf oil spill, is urging anyone affected to come forward. Kenneth Feinberg says the program would provide relief within weeks rather than going to court which could take years. He told NBC he will make sure every eligible, legitimate claim will be paid.
"The president of the United States has instructed me, 'Get these claims paid, get them paid quickly.' When I met with Governor Barbour, he told me frankly, 'Ken, time is the enemy.' And he's so right here."
Feinberg also rejected Republican Congressman Joe Barton's characterization of the fund as a "government shakedown". Barton later backed away from that statement.
A California man is under arrest for a wildfire burning near downtown Flagstaff, Arizona. NPR's Allison Keyes reports that crews continue to battle the 350-acre blaze and have managed to get half of it under control.
Flagstaff city spokeswoman Kimberly Ott says there is positive news today: first, the fire has only consumed half the area officials first thought; secondly, she says cooler temperatures and reduced winds are making it easier to fight the blaze.
"We have three aircraft – one fixed-wing, two helicopters – that will be working the fire today, along with a number of personnel on the ground, and we do have access-barrier tankers if we needed."
Ott says officials strongly urged people in the 170 household in the fire's path to evacuate. And most did, though a few remained in their homes. The fire started yesterday near the Little America Hotel, sending billowing smoke through parts of the city and backing up traffic on a nearby highway. So far, Ott says, the fire is not contained, but no buildings have been destroyed. Allison Keyes, NPR News.
The National Hurricane Center is monitoring tropical storm Celia in the Pacific off southern Mexico. It's expected to strengthen into the first hurricane but is not expected to threaten land.
Israeli officials announced today a loosening of the land blockade of Gaza. They said "effective immediately". All goods will be allowed into Gaza except those items that could have a military use. Through past three years, Israel permitted only basic humanitarian supplies. The situation in the Middle East is likely to come up at the White House June 29 during a visit by Saudi King Abdullah. That visit was announced today.
Britain's new government will be announcing its first budget this week, and widespread cuts are expected. As Larry Miller reports from London the British are braced for the worst.
The David Cameron-led coalition government says its inherited public spending is so out of control drastic measures are necessary. Giving Britain the budgetary bad news on Tuesday will be the head of Treasury, George Osborne.
"I don't see it as badness. I see it as decisive action to deal with Britain's record budget deficit ... the country in Europe with the largest budget deficit of any major economy at a time when markets and investors and businesses are looking around the world at countries that can't control their debts."
Among the likely measures are multibillion-dollar tax on banks, national sales tax above 18%, capital gains tax at 40%, a cut in welfare benefits, a public sector pay and pension's freeze and the elimination of thousands of government jobs. For NPR News, I am Larry Miller in London.
Rahm Emanuel, never known for mincing words, says there is a chance now for the president to act upon campaign promises to pass an energy bill with the support of industry and environmentalists. And he made it clear he believes the Republicans have fumbled badly by defending BP in the face of government demands for accountability. Emanuel said on ABC's This Week that the attitude displayed by Texas Republican Joe Barton who had retracted an apology to BP last week was indicative of a larger party philosophy.
"Other members of the Republican leadership have come to the defense of BP and attacked the administration for forcing them to set up an escrow account and fund it to the level of $20 billion. These aren't political gaffes."
Emanuel said it would be "dangerous" if such viewpoints came to control Congress after the fall election. Neda Ulaby, NPR News.
The man, who is overseeing the compensation fund for people damaged by the Gulf oil spill, is urging anyone affected to come forward. Kenneth Feinberg says the program would provide relief within weeks rather than going to court which could take years. He told NBC he will make sure every eligible, legitimate claim will be paid.
"The president of the United States has instructed me, 'Get these claims paid, get them paid quickly.' When I met with Governor Barbour, he told me frankly, 'Ken, time is the enemy.' And he's so right here."
Feinberg also rejected Republican Congressman Joe Barton's characterization of the fund as a "government shakedown". Barton later backed away from that statement.
A California man is under arrest for a wildfire burning near downtown Flagstaff, Arizona. NPR's Allison Keyes reports that crews continue to battle the 350-acre blaze and have managed to get half of it under control.
Flagstaff city spokeswoman Kimberly Ott says there is positive news today: first, the fire has only consumed half the area officials first thought; secondly, she says cooler temperatures and reduced winds are making it easier to fight the blaze.
"We have three aircraft – one fixed-wing, two helicopters – that will be working the fire today, along with a number of personnel on the ground, and we do have access-barrier tankers if we needed."
Ott says officials strongly urged people in the 170 household in the fire's path to evacuate. And most did, though a few remained in their homes. The fire started yesterday near the Little America Hotel, sending billowing smoke through parts of the city and backing up traffic on a nearby highway. So far, Ott says, the fire is not contained, but no buildings have been destroyed. Allison Keyes, NPR News.
The National Hurricane Center is monitoring tropical storm Celia in the Pacific off southern Mexico. It's expected to strengthen into the first hurricane but is not expected to threaten land.
Israeli officials announced today a loosening of the land blockade of Gaza. They said "effective immediately". All goods will be allowed into Gaza except those items that could have a military use. Through past three years, Israel permitted only basic humanitarian supplies. The situation in the Middle East is likely to come up at the White House June 29 during a visit by Saudi King Abdullah. That visit was announced today.
Britain's new government will be announcing its first budget this week, and widespread cuts are expected. As Larry Miller reports from London the British are braced for the worst.
The David Cameron-led coalition government says its inherited public spending is so out of control drastic measures are necessary. Giving Britain the budgetary bad news on Tuesday will be the head of Treasury, George Osborne.
"I don't see it as badness. I see it as decisive action to deal with Britain's record budget deficit ... the country in Europe with the largest budget deficit of any major economy at a time when markets and investors and businesses are looking around the world at countries that can't control their debts."
Among the likely measures are multibillion-dollar tax on banks, national sales tax above 18%, capital gains tax at 40%, a cut in welfare benefits, a public sector pay and pension's freeze and the elimination of thousands of government jobs. For NPR News, I am Larry Miller in London.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Morning Magic
I may not have been an early bird since birth, but after years of training myself to jump-start my day, my body naturally wants to get a move on as soon as it’s light outside. In fact, I’m now almost incapable of sleeping past 8 a.m.
Some people may consider that a tragic flaw, but I enjoy getting up early. I like not being rushed as I prepare for work, and I enjoy the morning hour when I’m alone in the office. For some people, waking up early isn’t the easiest lifestyle to sustain, but for those who can stick it out, it offers a bevy of benefits.
More “Me” Time
While my fiancé is hitting the snooze button repeatedly, I’m taking a leisurely shower, tidying up around the house, and catching up on last night’s Daily Show. When you wake up early, without phone calls, emails, or pestering family members, the time is yours to spend as you please, whether you meditate, exercise, read, or simply watch that television show your spouse hates. Many parents of young children find that the early-morning hours provide their only chance to enjoy a cup of coffee or relax alone before the day begins.
Regular Workouts
People’s motivation to exercise is high first thing in the morning. Many report that they are more likely to stick to a morning workout routine than to an afternoon or evening one, since distractions have a way of derailing later plans to get to the gym. Also, although it hasn’t been proven, some exercise physiologists believe that exercising in the morning on an empty stomach forces the body to burn stored fat, instead of other calories.
A study published in the November 2006 issue of the journal SLEEP found that exercising in the morning led to better sleep at night. The researchers theorized that the morning activity helped to properly align the body’s circadian rhythms. Test subjects who postponed exercise until the evening actually had a more difficult time falling asleep.
An Easier Commute
In some cities, the difference between a breezy, quick commute and total gridlock can be as little as fifteen minutes. Getting up early to beat traffic makes commuting not only more relaxing and peaceful, but also safer. Stressed driving, either because of traffic conditions or because the driver is running late, can lead to aggressive behavior, speeding, and poor decision making, increasing the chance of accidents. For those who rely on public transportation to get to work, getting up early can mean the difference between grabbing a seat on a nearly empty train or bus and cramming in next to strangers, holding on to the strap for dear life.
The Benefit of Breakfast
When you sleep in and hurry out the door, breakfast is often one of the first parts of the morning routine to go, and many people who sleep in very late end up skipping breakfast altogether and waiting until lunchtime to eat. Yet countless studies have demonstrated the positive effects of eating a healthy breakfast: people who do so tend to feel fuller, make better food choices throughout the day, and be a healthier weight than non–breakfast eaters. Waking up early gives us the benefit of time and energy to put together a healthy breakfast, instead of grabbing fast food or forgoing the meal entirely.
Family Matters
When you have time in the morning to tidy up the house, start prepping for dinner, or do errands, you can use the extra evening hours to relax and have fun with your partner, your kids, or your friends. Most people would probably rather spend their evenings enjoying a movie or eating a leisurely family dinner than doing housework. Getting your chores done at the beginning of the day makes those activities more possible.
High Productivity
In 2007, Yahoo! Finance surveyed twenty CEOs and high-powered executives at companies like Pepsi, Motorola, Avaya, and Xerox. One thing that all of them had in common was that they were all awake before 6 a.m. They used that time to get ahead on email, exercise, read the paper, or take care of family chores. All of the survey respondents said that getting up early was absolutely essential to their productivity.
A Brainpower Boost
There’s also some evidence that our brains are at their peak performance in the morning hours. In a study conducted at the University of North Texas, college students who reported getting up early had higher GPAs than students who slept in regularly.
Less Stress
When you get up early, you set a relaxed and comfortable pace for the whole day. Between getting yourself ready for work, getting your kids ready for school, commuting to work, and doing all the other things that have to happen before 9 a.m., things can get pretty stressful. Reducing stress has a big effect on health, since stress can result in headaches, stomachaches, hair loss, high blood pressure, and anxiety and can exacerbate other chronic ailments. The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) estimates that stress-related conditions cost American businesses about $300 million every year. When you build extra time into your morning routine, you don’t feel like you’re rushing everywhere.
The biggest benefit of being a morning person is that the world operates on your schedule. Night owls may love sleeping till noon, but it’s a fact that most of life happens during the daytime, and if you’re not awake and ready, opportunity can pass you by. Waking up early isn’t the easiest thing to do, and even those of us who enjoy being early birds occasionally have days when we’re tempted to hit the snooze button (again). But it’s nice to know that once we’re out of bed, the world is ours for a few brief, shining moments … at least, until everyone else wakes up.
Some people may consider that a tragic flaw, but I enjoy getting up early. I like not being rushed as I prepare for work, and I enjoy the morning hour when I’m alone in the office. For some people, waking up early isn’t the easiest lifestyle to sustain, but for those who can stick it out, it offers a bevy of benefits.
More “Me” Time
While my fiancé is hitting the snooze button repeatedly, I’m taking a leisurely shower, tidying up around the house, and catching up on last night’s Daily Show. When you wake up early, without phone calls, emails, or pestering family members, the time is yours to spend as you please, whether you meditate, exercise, read, or simply watch that television show your spouse hates. Many parents of young children find that the early-morning hours provide their only chance to enjoy a cup of coffee or relax alone before the day begins.
Regular Workouts
People’s motivation to exercise is high first thing in the morning. Many report that they are more likely to stick to a morning workout routine than to an afternoon or evening one, since distractions have a way of derailing later plans to get to the gym. Also, although it hasn’t been proven, some exercise physiologists believe that exercising in the morning on an empty stomach forces the body to burn stored fat, instead of other calories.
A study published in the November 2006 issue of the journal SLEEP found that exercising in the morning led to better sleep at night. The researchers theorized that the morning activity helped to properly align the body’s circadian rhythms. Test subjects who postponed exercise until the evening actually had a more difficult time falling asleep.
An Easier Commute
In some cities, the difference between a breezy, quick commute and total gridlock can be as little as fifteen minutes. Getting up early to beat traffic makes commuting not only more relaxing and peaceful, but also safer. Stressed driving, either because of traffic conditions or because the driver is running late, can lead to aggressive behavior, speeding, and poor decision making, increasing the chance of accidents. For those who rely on public transportation to get to work, getting up early can mean the difference between grabbing a seat on a nearly empty train or bus and cramming in next to strangers, holding on to the strap for dear life.
The Benefit of Breakfast
When you sleep in and hurry out the door, breakfast is often one of the first parts of the morning routine to go, and many people who sleep in very late end up skipping breakfast altogether and waiting until lunchtime to eat. Yet countless studies have demonstrated the positive effects of eating a healthy breakfast: people who do so tend to feel fuller, make better food choices throughout the day, and be a healthier weight than non–breakfast eaters. Waking up early gives us the benefit of time and energy to put together a healthy breakfast, instead of grabbing fast food or forgoing the meal entirely.
Family Matters
When you have time in the morning to tidy up the house, start prepping for dinner, or do errands, you can use the extra evening hours to relax and have fun with your partner, your kids, or your friends. Most people would probably rather spend their evenings enjoying a movie or eating a leisurely family dinner than doing housework. Getting your chores done at the beginning of the day makes those activities more possible.
High Productivity
In 2007, Yahoo! Finance surveyed twenty CEOs and high-powered executives at companies like Pepsi, Motorola, Avaya, and Xerox. One thing that all of them had in common was that they were all awake before 6 a.m. They used that time to get ahead on email, exercise, read the paper, or take care of family chores. All of the survey respondents said that getting up early was absolutely essential to their productivity.
A Brainpower Boost
There’s also some evidence that our brains are at their peak performance in the morning hours. In a study conducted at the University of North Texas, college students who reported getting up early had higher GPAs than students who slept in regularly.
Less Stress
When you get up early, you set a relaxed and comfortable pace for the whole day. Between getting yourself ready for work, getting your kids ready for school, commuting to work, and doing all the other things that have to happen before 9 a.m., things can get pretty stressful. Reducing stress has a big effect on health, since stress can result in headaches, stomachaches, hair loss, high blood pressure, and anxiety and can exacerbate other chronic ailments. The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) estimates that stress-related conditions cost American businesses about $300 million every year. When you build extra time into your morning routine, you don’t feel like you’re rushing everywhere.
The biggest benefit of being a morning person is that the world operates on your schedule. Night owls may love sleeping till noon, but it’s a fact that most of life happens during the daytime, and if you’re not awake and ready, opportunity can pass you by. Waking up early isn’t the easiest thing to do, and even those of us who enjoy being early birds occasionally have days when we’re tempted to hit the snooze button (again). But it’s nice to know that once we’re out of bed, the world is ours for a few brief, shining moments … at least, until everyone else wakes up.
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